....
No, you cannot have a go, Pee! Hear me, people of the Nth dimension! You are vulnerable to the tyranny of the felines. You have no brave warrior to fight for your cause. I will make it to your dimension as soon as I clean up this one. Well, maybe.. it depends if there are any tasty girls there or anything, to eat and... well, it's better I be at them then P-Head. But you must listen about the cats. For centuries they have been manipulating the human race, working below the surface of society to reach their evil evil goats! No, wait, that says goals. To reach their evil goals. I'm glad it's goals because I really don't like goats. Goats are evil enough. They try to eat everything so I'd hate to see what a really evil goat did. Think about it.... Errm. Where was I? Blah, blah... evil goals. There were the Egyptians who worshipped those bloody fleabags like they were gods! Kenempti was there herself. She can tell you. Well, she would if she wasn't out shagging Seamus or whatever she gets up to nowadays. We really haven't spoken to her much since the whole raven thing. Ancient Egypt was when they were last at the height of their power and they want it back!
Have you ever watched a cat? I mean, really watched it? I have, all the time. I stalk them from the shadows and pounce on them until there is little juice left in them besides the festering urine that signals the moment of fright at their imminent demise! But just before that oh so satisfying crunch I could see how they act. Watch them! They look cute and furry, and you may want to stroke them and tell them what a beautiful pussy they are - stop smirking P-Head! - but even as they sit on your couches, your faces - no, really, shut up Pee before I smash this altar into your face - and your television sets you will see their true face. They scowl with hatred at the human race and vow to enslave the world around them! Watch them as they play with other animals. They push friends downstairs, they pounce on sleeping dogs, they bat and squish insects without even the mercy to end their insignificant lives quickly! They like to make all living things suffer. They are evil! The day will come when you realise the truth and I pray to the Maiden, that sexy, sexy bitch, that it's not too late for you. So join me, mortal brothers and sisters, forget the troubles you have fighting your supernatural brethren for survival and face the bigger most evilester enemy! Destroy the cats!
....
Yes, I am done, Pee, but you're still not having a go. Khalid told me to do this. It's supposed to help promote that book that just got released of our adventures. Remember that? There was that guy, Matthew Rowe, was it? Ugly as sin and bloody stupid, but the best guy I never ate. He followed us around for a few days and we told him the story of the dragon. He's written it in a book and he's selling it to those tasty mortals..... So! We're playing along so we might get a piece of the money. Duh! Sometimes I get tired of arguing with you Pee, but then I inevitably win and remember how good it feels.... No, you don't always win.... shut up! Had any wenches squished by speeding cars lately? Ha! That shut you up... Now let me get on with this before the magi run out of juice....
So, good people, Go - !
fzzp!....
Experience some more of Matt Rowe's writing for yourself here on this blog tomorrow - an excerpt from his newest novel...
If you can't wait and need to read more of his work and buy his book click on the links below: -
Matt's Website
Amazon
Lulu
If you can't wait and need to read more of his work and buy his book click on the links below: -
Matt's Website
Amazon
Lulu
I AM crazy!
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